Who Do I Have to ‘rhymes with truck’ to Get a Job Round Here?

Recruitment agencies – Angels sent from the gods to make your dreams come true? Or about as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest?

I’m sure anyone who’s had even one go on the recruitment agency merry-go-round will probably choose ‘B thanks Eddie’ (sorry, you gotta be a skip to understand that one). I’ve had one interview so far in 2 months of searching and for some reason that agent has gone all Helen Keller on me. He won’t answer my calls or emails. How immature is that? Was he not told that part of his job is to tell people they didn’t get it? I’m not gonna cry. Geez.

Oh, wait. Before I start my proper tirade, let me show you a picture. Check this out.


Can you see that? The mist over the water? Here, I’ll go closer.



How spooky’s that? It’s called the Haar, the Scottish sea mist. Behind me, as you can see in the pic above, it’s a sunny, mid-twenties day. Crazy. Apparently later on (Autumn/Winter??) they roll all the way into town, giving the whole of Edinburgh a truly Dickensian feel. I can’t wait for that, although I’m not too excited about the potential frizz ball my hair will be from walking through mists all day. Still, I could wear a flowing robe and carry around a big sword and pretend I’m in Avalon. For example.

But back to being pissed off…

I found a good one. Imagine that. She’s the first recruiter who’s actually taken the time to really sit down with me and go through my CV, figure out what my skills are and actually look outside the bloomin box and acknowledge that skills and experience are transposable, that you don’t have to have experience in every single point on the stupid job description in exactly the same industry, that guess what – some people can learn new shit.

It might sound obvious, but I swear, this is the biggest wall I’ve come up against in my job search. If you’ve got the gift of the gab and manage to convince the agent to send your CV off to the employer for a job that’s not specifically what you’ve spent the last decade doing, most times they won’t want to see you either, because they too are stuck in that damned box.

Why can’t people see this? Or why can’t we have some kind of tattoo system. Fuck all this LinkedIn crap, endorsements/followers/friends we need now to prove we’re employable or popular or human. Why can’t the government tattoo us all with “good worker”, “layabout”, “that one person everyone in the office hates” or “will sleep my way to the top”? That would make recruitment so much easier. All we’d have to do is flash our tats, or out tits if we’re in that last category.

I moved to the UK to wake myself up, to scare the shit out of myself and to see what I was really capable of. Apart from figuring out I’m pretty good at being unemployed, I’ve had the chance to do little stints in all kinds of businesses and I figured out that I’m really quite adaptable. Throw me in the deep end and I won’t just float, I’ll do some bloody synchronised swimming for you.

Sorry. Can you tell I’m a bit frustrated? I’ve got my swear on a bit today haven’t I, gone all Australian on you all? I think people are just too busy. Or too lazy. Nobody wants to have to train anyone, to invest any time in them. We want them to just walk in and start working so we can just get on with our own super duper very important work don’t we? Well, thank you new recruitment lady. You’re one of a kind. And you’ve landed me an interview today in the kind of role which is slightly different from what I’ve been doing but exactly where I’d like to now steer my… cough… career. I think.

So cross your fingers, toes and your eyes for me Blogosphere. Now that I’ve put it out in the universe, maybe the universe will take pity on me, if only to make me stop swearing at it.

9 thoughts on “Who Do I Have to ‘rhymes with truck’ to Get a Job Round Here?

  1. God, I so know what you are going through. But I envy you because you can channel it into anger, for me, I just sink into despair.
    For my sort job (social care) I need the CRB check (criminal record beaureau check). So I went to some care agency, I signed up, I paid the money (44 quid it costs) and I chilled out. After few days I got an email that I need another proof of address (the third one!). Somehow I managed to get it, which is not easy after u just moved to UK and I sent it to them. After about a week I decided to check on them, so I sent an email asking if my CRB documents got sent. The kind lady answered that now, since my papaers are complete (yes! a week after I gave it to her!) it will go through.
    Finally I wrote again after few days to check again, demanding the answer and the exact date they sent my CRB application. No answer. I wrote again the next day. Silence. The third day – eventually they answered that they sent the papers, but I have no idea when. I guess just now. So basically my CRB application was laying in the agency for over two weeks, and I’m like a fucking idiot, stuck not being able to get even an interview.
    Phew… that’s better πŸ™‚
    I hope you find something soon:)
    Good luck
    stay positive πŸ˜›

    • Hey Martin,

      Well I’m sorry to hear you are still having such a frustrating time. Now I feel kinda bad to report that I actually got the temporary position. they rang this morning with the good news. It’s only 4 months, but should give me a very good grounding and experience in the slightly different path I’ve decided to check out so that I can apply for permanent roles at the end of the year and actually stand a chance o being considered. Stick with what you’re trying. The UK is one big red tape obstacle course to navigate with not much deviation outside the ‘normal’ procedures, so is very frustrating at times, but just stick at it, you’ll get there eventually. Let off steam in your blogs too, I’m sure it will make for interesting reading πŸ˜‰ And when you get to where you want t be, all your readers will cheer you all the more for the extra effort you’ve had to put in. Good luck matey. Don’t give up yet.

    • Thanks Bardon. Happy to report I got the temp position and start next Monday.

      That shot was taken in Ventnor, Isle of Wight. It was July last year, some kind of festival season, big parade happening a couple minutes away from this shot. I was walking back from a seaside lunch behind some very drunk teenagers, dressed as you can see in the de riguer bum cheek special shorts. Lucky quick snap really, and then I just took the saturation right down till it had a kind of 70’s feel πŸ™‚

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